Hi everyone,
Now that I have written about getting clinically diagnosed back in August, I am going to tell you about all of the other things that have happened these last 6 months. Let us start back in June 2019, if you have not read any of my post from back then, then I graduate from college with a bachelor’s degree in business. After I graduated, I could not find a job within the field, and when Denmark closed down, I did a lot of reflecting about my future and what I want to do. I realised that I was not passionate about any of the jobs I was applying to, which might have been the reason why I did not get any of the jobs I interviewed for.
One of the things which have helped me get through these past few years are books, which made me think “why is that I cant work with books? Why is it that I am trying to get a job within an industry I don’t want to be a part of?”. When I started asking myself these questions, I started realising that I need to change the direction I was going with my “career”. I love books, I love getting lost in a fictional universe, I love escaping my own life, even if it is just for a few hours. I decided that I was going to work with books, I am not 100% sure how, but I have made some big changes in my life.
Back in June, I decided to apply for university, I applied to start a different bachelors degree, within a completely different field than what I previously have studied. I realised that I want to become a librarian, so I applied for a degree that would allow me to become a librarian, I can also do other things with this degree, but right now I would love to become a librarian. I did not tell anyone that I had applied to start this degree, I wanted to keep a secret from everyone because I was scared of other peoples opinions. I wanted to keep this dream safe, and if I did not get into the university, then I would not have to explain that I was not accepted.
But at the end of July I found out that I was offered a spot, and if I accepted, I would start university at the beginning of September. It was also around this time I got diagnosed with severe OCD, so I was not sure it would be a good idea to start. In the end, I decided that I had to try, I had to do something different because what I was doing was not good for me. All of the self-hatred and feeling like a failure because I did not follow the career path I had thought I needed to follow to become successful, it was doing anything good for me.
On the first of September, I started university, and it was (and still is) one of the most difficult things I have done. Arriving on campus that first day was awful. I had to call my mom, and she had to talk me into leaving the car and going inside. But even though it was difficult, I did it. I walked in there, and I think that it might be one of the best decisions I have ever made. For the first time, I felt like I could be myself, I did not have to pretend to be someone else all the time. The other people did not think it was weird that I love poetry books and cheesy romantic novels, because we have one thing in common: er all love books! And we are all a bit different from what society considers to be “normal”.
Shortly after I started university, I decided that I wanted to move to the town the university is located. I was able to get an apartment from the 15th of September, so in the midst of starting therapy and starting university, I was moving. I am happy with my apartment, and I am happy that I do not have to drive whenever I have classes on campus, but it was very difficult. I might talk about the difficulties I had when I moved in another different post.
I am so happy that I decided to apply for university, and that I accepted the offer of starting university, and that I actually went to the classes that first day. My OCD is still very severe, but I have some other things which are going pretty good and I have met some amazing people and made some awesome friends, and I feel like I can be myself now.
One thing my therapist and I have been working on is accepting the “here and now”, and that it is okay that everything is not perfect and that I am not feeling amazing every day. And most importantly, I need to enjoy the good things that are happening here and now.
Until next time!
