As I mentioned in one of my previous blog posts, then I want to share my hopes and dreams for 2020 with you. 2019 was a very difficult year, but also a very rewarding year where most of my focus was on working on my mental health and trying to understand that. I grew a lot last year, and I am finally in a much better place and therefore my dreams and goals have been shifting these last 3 months.
My first goal for 2020 is to get a job in my field of education. I want to use my bachelor’s degree to something and get some more experience. When I graduated in June, I thought it would be easy to find a job within my field, and I had this big dream of finding a job outside Denmark and moving away. But I found out that finding a job in Denmark as a newly graduated college student is very difficult and getting a job in another country as a newly graduated college student is even more difficult. So, therefore, my goal is to find some type of job that is just remotely related to my degree, and I hope the right job will come soon.
One of my other goals for 2020 is to get some friends who understands and respects the person I am, and who likes me for the person I am. I am tired of having friends where I feel like I am not good enough because I am nothing like them. And I am tired of having friends who are always trying to change me, so I will be more like them. I like who I am, least I like most parts of myself, and I don’t want to change because someone else thinks I need to change. I really hope that 2020 is the year where I find people who will accept me for me.
Now that my mental health has gotten better, I really want to build up my own confidence and feel more secure in who I am. After my depression has gotten better, then I am slowly getting more confident and I want to be able to say “I love who I am. I love all parts of me, both the good and the not so good!” I am not there yet, but my goal is to be able to say it and actually mean it.
Even though my mental health has gotten a lot better, I am going to continue focusing on it. I don’t want to fall back to depression, and if I can feel it sneaking up on me I am going to get help before it gets too bad. I am going to have a lot of focus on my anxiety in 2020, and I am going to listen to my body when it tells me that an anxiety attack is coming. But I am not going to let my anxiety rule my life in 2020, I want to push myself outside my comfort zone, and maybe I will feel very anxious but I have to find the right balance between doing stuff I want to do and not doing stuff because of my anxiety.
In 2020 I want to write more. Writing has become an escape for me and is a good way for me to deal with everything that goes on inside me. It has become a way for me to deal with my anxiety because it makes me look at things from a different perspective. I cannot count the number of times writing things down when I am feeling anxious, upset or angry has helped me calm down. One day I will make a post where I share some of the things I have written down when I have been anxious. So I want to write more, not just about how I am feeling, but I also want to get back into writing short stories again and challenge my creativity in a different way, and then I want to get into a more regular posting schedule on this blog.
During 2019, I found faith again and started allowing myself to believe in something again. My faith has helped me a lot these last couple of months, and in 2020 I want to go to church more often and I want to feel closer to my religion and I want to feel closer to God.
One of my dreams for 2020 is to find love. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am in a place where I am ready to find love and open to it. A few years ago, all I could think about was getting into relationships, but throughout 2019 I realised that I would not be able to be in a successful relationship before I had worked on myself. When I was younger, I had this fantasy that a guy would come sweep me off my feet and make all of my problems go away. But last year I realised that I don’t want to be with someone because they could “save” me. I do not want to have my mental health relay on a man, because that would only lead to me being insecure and anxious about everything, and I would end up letting my own image of myself cloud the reality. But now I am finally falling in love with myself, and I think I am ready to fall in love with someone else. This dream is not one of the most important things for me, and if it does not happen in 2020 then that is okay because it will happen when the time is right.
New years resolutions. Another thing I have a love/hate relationship with. a lot of the time I think they are complete bullshit because I have never been able to stick to a new years resolution for an entire year before. But then last year happened, and I made a new years resolution that I was going to stop drinking soda (I was slightly addicted to soda before and I would on average drink 1 litre of soda every day), and for the first time ever I was able to stick to a new years resolution, and I did not drink any soda in 2019. Then the end of 2019 came around and I started to think about what resolution I should do this time, and here is what I have thought of: I am not going to be eating any candy (gummies, liquorice or anything like that) for the entire year.
These are my goals, hopes, dreams and resolutions for 2020, and I am really excited about the journey I am going to be on while I am trying to achieve these things. Happy new year everyone, I hope you had an amazing new year’s eve and a great start to the new year. I hope all your hopes and dreams will come true and that you will achieve all the goals you have made for 2020.
Until next time!