This might be a bit of a cliché blog post, but I don’t care. Throughout this past year, I have learned to love the art of reflecting on life. Therefore, I am going to tell you about the things that have taken up the most space in my mind and life this past year. an I want to share some of the reflections I have made with you.
2019 has been one heck of a year, with a lot of ups and downs and a shit ton of growth for me. If I had to give this year – my year – a theme, then it would be “ The Year of Mental Health”. This year was the year where I finally started to take my mental health serious.
In the beginning of this year, I was at one of the lowest points of my life. I was in a very deep depression and I had a lot of anxiety all the time. This is not the first time I have been struggling with depression and anxiety, but this time it was different because for the first time I asked for help. I finally realised that I could not get through this depression and anxiety without professional help. And I got help, I went to different types of therapy, I spend a lot of time working on my mental health and getting to know the signs my body gave me.
Throughout the year, there have been a lot of ups and downs, and sometimes it felt like I was getting so much worse. In September and October, my anxiety got really bad, and I was barely functioning and I could barely do everyday things I needed to do and I caught myself asking “is this life even worth living?”, but I did not give up and I continued with all the therapy.
All of the therapy helped me and I am so happy and proud of myself because for the first time in over 10 years I finally feel like I have beat the depression and I have finally acknowledged my anxiety and it has gotten a lot better. In addition to beating the depression, I also know the signs I need to be aware of, because the depression might come back, and it might not come back, but I feel like I am prepared and IF the depression comes back, I know there is no shame in asking for help, the earlier I ask for help the better it will be.
In 2019 I also achieved something I was scared I would not be able to achieve. I graduated from college with a Bachelor’s degree. I am so proud of myself for finishing this degree because it got very difficult in the end when all I wanted to do was quit. But did not quit, and I did the best that I could have done, and I am proud of that. I want to give a huge shout out all the college students who are struggling with their mental health’s while studying. It is really difficult to both be a student and try to work on your mental health, but just know that you are frigging awesome for trying! But just remember that it is okay to ask for help.
During 2019 I have found my way back to God, and I have started to believe again. I never thought that I would want to go to church again, but this year I have almost been “graving” it and I finally went, and I am so happy that I have started attending church. I have a feeling that my religion and faith is going to help me feel better somehow. I do not know how it is going to help me yet, but I just have this gut feeling, and I have decided that I am going to trust my gut feeling more. So we will see what the future brings.
I wanted to write something about the past decade, and I had started to write about it, but this past decade has been really tough, and I have had a lot of mental issues throughout the last 10 years, and then I went through a lot of operations and pain as well. I am not 100% ready to share my full mental health/depression story yet, and if I ever decide to share the entire story it will be done in a different way.
This year have been one of the hardest years of my life, but it has also been one of the most rewarding years of my life. And I am excited and proud that I am able to end this year and decade without my depression. Right now I am genuinely excited about the next year, and that is a nice feeling to have.
I am planning on making a post about my hopes, dreams and goals for 2020, and I am planning on posting it either on the 31st of December or the 1st of January.
Until next time!