I have not posted anything on this blog the last few weeks, and the reason I have not posted anything I have written is because I have been getting used feeling really good and being happy, and it is weird trying to get used to feeling good again. For the last month I have been feeling really good, and I have had short periods of time where I have felt good before, but these periods usually only last for two-three weeks. Right now it feels different. I feel different. I don’t feel good and happy because of specific things that have happened. Normally something great would have happened and I would be “high” on that feeling for a few weeks but then the feeling would disappear, but that has not happened this time.
As I mentioned, this time it feels different, I have this light feeling in my mind and soul, it feels like I am no longer weighed down by a ton of bricks anymore and I feel like I can breathe again. My mind is no longer racing and overthinking every little thing that happens in my life and my anxiety attacks do not rule my life anymore. And the best thing is, I am finally happy about where I am in my life and I might not know where the future will take me, but I am okay with that.
I still have anxiety and panic attacks, but they don’t affect me the same way anymore. I don’t know if that makes any sense for you? The best way to describe it is; Whenever I have an anxiety attack it doesn’t push me into a deep black hole. But I am able to work through it without it ruining my self-esteem as much as it used to, and I am able to continue doing the things I want to do after. Of course, it is still very difficult but I am starting to figure out how I can handle it.
I would like to share what I have been doing differently, and what I think has helped me improve my mental health. There are three different things which I think have contributed to my progress which is starting a new type of treatment, re-establishing my relationship with God and beginning to trust my gut and myself more.
- As I mentioned above, then I have started a new form of treatment for my anxiety, depression and other issues which are affecting me. The treatment is called Thought Field Therapy (TFT), I am not expert in TFT but if you are interested in reading more about it, you can find more information here:
So far I have had two sessions, but I can already feel the difference. Originally I wanted to write some more about TFT in this blog post, but this blog post just got way too long so I am going to write about that in another post. So if you are interested in reading more about that, then stay tuned and I will make a blog post about that next week.
- TFT, is as mentioned, not the only thing that has helped me. I have begun to re-establish my relationship with God and I am allowing myself to believe again. And the truth is that I have missed believing in God because it makes me feel safe. It is difficult to explain, but believing in something greater than me, or than anyone, gives me a sense of comfort and it makes me feel safe, and as a person who seeks safety and comfort, believing in God gives me that. Other than giving me faith and a sense of safety and comfort then it has also helped calm some of my anxiety triggers.
I would again love to talk more about this, but I just have so much I want to say, therefore I am going to make a separate post about this, which I will share within the next few weeks!
- The last thing I have noticed is that I have become better at listening to my gut, trusting my gut and most importantly listening and trusting myself. For as long as I can remember I have not trusted myself, because of some things that happened/I did when I was a teenager. Now I know that for many years I have been extremely hard on myself, and I have been very unreasonable with myself. But I am now at the stage where I am accepting the things that happened when I was a teenager, and I am accepting the reaction I had to it afterwards and I have forgiven myself. I think that forgiving myself has allowed me to move on and begin trusting myself again. One day I hope I will have the courage to share what happened in my early teenage years, but I am just not ready for that yet
It is weird though because I do not remember feeling this good mentally before, and sometimes I do not know how to act and it almost feels like I don’t know who I am. I have been so used to feeling anxious and depressed, that it has been easy to allow that to become the main part of who I am.
So who am I when I am not feeling depressed or anxious all the time?
Well, I do not know! And it both scares the crap out me but it is also exciting!
Until next time!