Definition of Lonely:
Marked by dejection from being alone.
You can probably guess by the topic of this blog post based on the title and the definition of lonely above, but if you didn’t guess it, then this blog post is going to be about being lonely. I have a difficult time writing this blog post, and I have wanted to write it for a while now but it is super difficult because I don’t know where to start. I guess a good place to start is by saying this:
I am Lonely.
There I said it. I am lonely and it is super difficult to talk about, and when I try to talk about it most people don’t understand it. For me, it feels like other people are uncomfortable talking about it, just like most people were uncomfortable talking about depression when I first got diagnosed 10 years ago, and this makes it super tough to deal with. I understand why people are uncomfortable talking about being lonely, because I am also uncomfortable talking about it, just like I was uncomfortable talking about depression both before and after I was first diagnosed.
In Denmark, loneliness is often discussed in relation to the elder community, but I am a young woman and I am lonely, and this is not something which is discussed (at least not in Denmark). I think it is difficult for most people to understand that young people can be lonely too, because we are always surrounded by other people in school, at work or on social media, this is at least how I have experienced it. I am, and always have been surrounded by people, but I still feel lonely. And I can’t be the only one feeling lonely? There must be other young people out there who feel the same way. My experience is that there is a big taboo connected to being lonely and I feel embarrassed that I am feeling lonely. I am beginning to realise that it is not embarrassing and I am not a boring/dull person just because I feel lonely. I am interesting, fun and a good person, but I just have some problems right now, and being lonely is one of them.
When I look back on my life, then I think I have always felt lonely to a certain extent. It has always felt like I was an outsider in my life, and that I was just looking at other people living there life, while I was stuck in a dream world. I felt lonely in my family growing up. My sisters are 7 and 8 years older than me and my brother is three years older than me. I know this is not a lot, but I had a difficult time connecting with them and my parents always worked a lot so we were often left on our own, and remember always feeling alone. Now that I have gotten older, I am much closer with both my siblings and parents but I still find it difficult to connect with them at times, and I still feeling like that annoying little sister who is overlooked when we are all together.
It was not only at home I felt lonely, it was also in school. I had great friends in school, but I was just so insecure and I was always convinced that my friends didn’t like me, and a part of me always felt left out. Because I was so insecure about the friends I had, I was always looking for new and more friends and I wanted to be liked because if I had more friends, then I would definitely not feel lonely, right? Wrong… You see the problem with that was that I was so busy wanting to make more friends that I forgot about my real friends, and I was ultimately a bad friend to the people I grew up with. When shit went downhill when I was 13 or 14 years old I had no friends who were there for me because I wasn’t really that close with anyone. All that mattered back then was how many friends I had on Facebook. My biggest wish for my younger self is that someone would have noticed this before and helped me, because I was just a kid in a very dark place ( I don’t think anyone knows exactly how bad things got).
But how do you stop being lonely? I have no idea what the answer to that question is, but I sure would love to know. I have previously been told to just start talking to people, go on dating apps, talk to strangers in the fitness centre or whatever, but that is easier said than done.
Even though I don’t know how to stop feeling lonely, I have still gone through two steps on my journey of feeling less lonely. The first step, and quite possibly the most important one, is that I am now acknowledging that I am lonely, I am still embarrassed by it but I know this is an issue for me and something I want to work on. The second step for me has been “digging” into the feeling, and begin to understand why I am feeling this. As I mentioned earlier, then I have always felt lonely, and I believe that it is important to understand the feelings behind it in order to fully move past it. I am still working on this second step, and I don’t think I will ever fully understand everything.
So, what comes after step number two then? I don’t know, I will let you know as soon as I figure it out.
Until next time!