Lately, I have been very confused and unsure about my future. You see the thing is that I do not know what I want to do with my life. For the last five or six years I have been just kept going with everything I thought I was supposed to do, so first graduate from high school (of course from the business-orientated high school), continue onto college and get a bachelors degree (of course something within the business field), get a well-paying job and just do that for the rest of my life. But I never really stopped and thought about what I am passioned about and what makes me happy.
I am not saying I regret going to college and getting my degree, because I have learned so much, had some amazing experiences and met some awesome people. But now I do not know what I want in life, I am starting to figure out what I am passionate about and what I love doing and what makes me happy, and should my future career not be something which makes me happy and makes me excited about the future? The path I am currently on does not really make me excited or overjoys and it kind of makes me dread the future.
Ever since I graduated in June, I have been applying for a lot of jobs both in Denmark and in other countries, because that is what I am supposed to do, right? But the thing is, that I do not know if I would even like to work within the field I am pursuing for the rest of my life.
In my mind, I have this picture of how my life should look right now and what I am supposed to do for the rest of my life. I am supposed to be sure about the path I want to take in life, but I am not and it scares me. the thing is I am scared of wasting my life doing something that does not make me happy or bring me joy. but I am also afraid of letting people I care about down, and I am especially afraid that I am letting myself down. I know I am not letting other people down, and if my family are disappointed in me then that is their problem. But the fear is still there. What scares me the most is doing something which does not make me happy because my main goal in life is to live a life full of happiness.
Ever since I was a child, I have had this thing I loved doing (back when I was 10 I did not realise that it was a career path), but I just loved doing it and it made me happy to do and see my teachers and classmates reaction to it. To this day I still love doing it, and the dream has evolved a lot since then and has become something bigger. But the thing is, that this dream is so far out of reach that it seems impossible. But lately I have been thinking: What if I try achieving my dream? It would be very difficult, almost impossible and I would not be using my bachelor’s degree for anything. The thought of not using my degree for anything is kind of scary, because a part of me feels like I have wasted my time these last four years. But the thought of working and office job for the next 40 years is terrifying.
As I have mentioned in previous blog posts, then one of my biggest fears is the unknown future, and right now my future is both unknown and uncertain. So maybe the uncertainty of the future is what is making me question everything, or maybe it is just me finally listening to my heart.
So should I follow my dream I have had since I was a kid, but at the same time live a very financially unstable life? Or should I work an office job (within the field I have a degree) where my future will most likely be more stable? I do not know the answer to these questions, right now I do not know anything.
Am I supposed to have figured things out by now? I guess I am not, but I really wish I was ore sure about the career path I want to go on.
Until next time!