Today is my birthday, and the day have actually been pretty good! I was at work, and my coworkers and the children helped celebrate my birthday and then I went out to dinner with my mom, I didn’t do much, but it was nice!
These last couple of days I have been doing a lot of reflecting regarding this past year. These last 12 months have been one big rollercoaster, I am happy that I went on this rollercoaster, but I don’t want to go back on it!
One year ago I was still in New Zealand, and I spent my birthday exploring Auckland and did a skywalk on the sky tower in Auckland. It is weird that it has already been a year since I was in Auckland, and it has almost been one year since I left New Zealand. Sometimes I feel like this last year has gone by in a blink of an eye, and at other times it feels like I have become 5 years older this year, I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I feel like I have grow so much this past year. When I am looking back at this past year, then it is crazy to think how fast things can change, and I went from feeling the best I have ever felt to the lowest I have ever felt within 3-4 months. This year have been very difficult and hard, and at times, when I was feeling really depressed, I was wondering what the point was, and thoughts like “why am I even here?” and “it would be so much easier if I just went to sleep and didn’t wake up” were filling up my mind. This year have been a year of depression, anxiety and loneliness, but it has also been a year full of personal growth and self-discovery.
This year I finally began understanding my depression and anxiety, what the signs are for me and what I need to be aware of next time, and I also learned the importance of putting my health first and start listening to my body and mind. Through my therapy sessions and because I am listening to myself and the signs my body gives me, I am feeling a lot better. These last 5-6 months I have slowly begun feeling better and better, and I am feeling more and more mentally strong, I still have a long way to go before I am back to feeling 100% good, and you know what? That is okay, because I am genuinely happy right now! And I am proud of how far I have come this year.
I know this post was a bit weird, but that is okay.