I haven’t posted anything here for a few months… Why? As strange as it might sound, then I have just been feeling really good, and been pretty busy. These last few months I have been trying to prioritise my time better, in order to do the things that is important for me. But overall, these last two months I have been feeling way better, and I feel like my depression have almost disappeared. Or at least I don’t feel that depressed anymore, which feels awesome, and kind of scary.
What have I then been doing these last few months? I have been writing my bachelor thesis, working, spending time with my family and focusing on doing things to help make me happy.
I just handed in my bachelor thesis on the 29th of May. It is crazy to have it handed in, because I was worried that I wouldn’t have been able to actually finish it. And I’m so proud of myself for actually being able to do it. It is a bit weird now, because it’s kind of jut feels like it was normal. A part of me was expecting to feel this huge relief, but it just feels… normal… which is a very weird feeling, and I don’t know how to handle feeling like this. I have been so used to feeling stressed and anxious every time I have had to hand a project in, but this time I didn’t feel like that. So know a part of me have been trying to convince myself that the thesis is complete shit, and that I will probably get the lowest grade, but not even thinking like that have an effect on me. And again, it is so weird, and I almost don’t know how to handle it. Now I just need to defend the thesis orally in the end of June, and then I graduate, which I crazy.
I have also been working quite a bit in the after-school program at the school, which have been a really nice break from writing my thesis. Lately, I have been feeling like working here is giving me some good experience with managing, but it is not something I am going to be doing in the long run, that is just too stressful and mentally exhausting. But it has been nice to try it out and get confirmed in the path I am taking regarding my career.
Another thing I have been doing is spending a lot of time with my family. My family means everything to me, and it have been nice to just spend some time around them.
To help myself feel better, I have begun to prioritise a few things in my life, which I know will make me feel better and be more positive. The first thing I have been doing is prioritising my sleep, I have (mostly) been going to bed at a reasonable time and woken up early in the morning. This have been so good for me mentally, because I wake up feeling more refreshed and positive in the morning.
I have also stopped writing assignments and doing schoolwork in my bed. I don’t know if this have actually helped me, but I feel like that it has been healthy for me to separate “work” from my sleeping space, because now I don’t associate my bed with a place I have to do “work”.
The biggest thing which have helped me, has been going for a walk together with my parents dog every evening. My parents live next to an amazing forest, where my dog and I have been taking some amazing walks in the dog park and just around the forest. It has been so nice to get some fresh air, hear the birds singing. I have been doing some mental visualisation exercises lately, where I have been focusing on zoning into my safe spot. I have two safe spots in my mind, one is a forest area of Dunedin, New Zealand and the other is an ecosanctuary in Wellington, New Zealand. For some reason I just feel at peace when I am walking in the forest, which is actually pretty strange, since I terrified of bugs, but for some reason I just feel more at ease when walking around in the forest. I can highly recommend trying find somewhere or something which makes you feel slightly better or more at ease, and spend some time on that everyday.
Doing all of these things, have really helped me feel the way I am feeling better. I still have bad days and anxiety attacks, but it is getting a bit better, and that is the most important thing.
Now I want to get back to writing again, not only about the bad times, but also about the good times. I want to do what I initially wanted to do with this blog, which is to write about my life.